January 19, 2018
Have you ever thought to yourself what is wrong with you?
As if life’s pattern is meant to bring you pain
in the strangest ways. You meet someone and
allow yourself to open up and the moment
your walls begin to fall the person you
wanted in decided to walk away..
where do you go from there?
How do you pick up the crumbled
pieces and rebuild what seemed forever to built.
How do you stare at yourself without
yelling and screaming wanting to break
your own reflection for the same mistake reoccurring.
This downhill spiral that has now become
your life hurts less than the last time as
parts of yourself have slowly deteriorated into nothing..
Where do you start again?
Where do you go from there?
January 8, 2018
Today like many days you feel overwhelmed and half filled to what happiness is.
Monday may not come you as a big surprise as you feel these emotions running slowly and dragging you as your day progresses. You can’t feel, yet you feel everything at once and it fucking bothers you to be this way.
Lost and desperate your mind is all over except where you need it to be, and that’s ok. This just means the long journey to new unpaved roads lay ahead. As ghostly companion I am here, in spirit and physically to never let you fall. By your side I will be here through the difficulty that Monday brings, a day at time, my heart is yours as I too am on a mission to seek yours.
You were the epitome of my words;
scriptures summoned in your absence
by a half empty glass of your darkness.
My dark passenger
There’s a thick stare biting into my soul,
Breaking through into my thoughts
Invading my privacy.
Ashamed of my failures,
It feeds off of me..
Wanting nothing more,
But without this darkness.
I am an empty
Waste of space.
I’ve always been one to open up and let anyone in.
Too hurt, too many times to allow myself to fall for false hopes.
But in the belief of wanting something more I’ve found myself searching for endless love in all the wrong places.
Closing my doors to allow anyone in,
you managed to sneak in.
I’ll be lost without you, but when push comes to shove I’m not sure if I’ll ever trust you.
I’ve learned to live on my own, but in this short period in time, I’m not sure what it’s like to not have you anymore.
I’ve taken more than what I can afford.
Life’s riches cannot prevail what the heart desires. The heart needs to be loved, it needs to find a true soulmate to share unforgettable moments with. A lot get lost along the way, not realizing that simple moments of being alone are truly rare and priceless. -SmileSick
I know you’re out there somewhere in the depths of the ocean, and I also know that in this lifetime I will run into you again.
I’m not sure how long It will be until I’m welcomed by your smile, but this scenery that reminds me of you makes it worth my while.
I wish you were able to enjoy this, the unruffled waters beneath the sinking sun. Your troubled mind can use the tranquility, I know how peevish I can be, all in your mind but away from your heart.
The lonesome walk
By: Jeff Rodriguez (@SmileSick)
Now that I’ve walked away, I know that missing me is just something of the past. I’ve freed you from the demons that held you back from living, I set you free, giving up my freedom of ever loving you again. This lonesome walk has set my mind straight and thoughts of us are now a blur.
A distant memory of yesterday’s golden age, we are no longer exclusive to each other but publicly open to the world to do as it pleases. My state of mind of regrets taunts the best of me, this lonesome walk has me abandoned into shameless acts of self destructs.
The evening walks seem better than the earlier ones because they bring me closer to the edge of reality, of pain, an abolishment of whatever situation we had involved with each other.
A better place resides else where, only nights away but I still have to walk through the day before I run through better days. This lonesome walk started out as a last resort of having no where to go, but that’s just it, no where is where I’ll find my true place.
When there is nothing left to burn, set yourself on fire.
Your smile is a venom I can’t refuse to take. There’s nothing to lose when I’m with you, if I live through it, at least I know you’ll come back. My imperfect happiness still shows how grateful I am to look forward and forgetting who I am. Because meeting you for the many first time doesn’t have to have the word “again”.