January 8, 2018
Today like many days you feel overwhelmed and half filled to what happiness is.
Monday may not come you as a big surprise as you feel these emotions running slowly and dragging you as your day progresses. You can’t feel, yet you feel everything at once and it fucking bothers you to be this way.
Lost and desperate your mind is all over except where you need it to be, and that’s ok. This just means the long journey to new unpaved roads lay ahead. As ghostly companion I am here, in spirit and physically to never let you fall. By your side I will be here through the difficulty that Monday brings, a day at time, my heart is yours as I too am on a mission to seek yours.
You were the epitome of my words;
scriptures summoned in your absence
by a half empty glass of your darkness.
My dark passenger
There’s a thick stare biting into my soul,
Breaking through into my thoughts
Invading my privacy.
Ashamed of my failures,
It feeds off of me..
Wanting nothing more,
But without this darkness.
I am an empty
Waste of space.
I’ve always been one to open up and let anyone in.
Too hurt, too many times to allow myself to fall for false hopes.
But in the belief of wanting something more I’ve found myself searching for endless love in all the wrong places.
Closing my doors to allow anyone in,
you managed to sneak in.
I’ll be lost without you, but when push comes to shove I’m not sure if I’ll ever trust you.
I’ve learned to live on my own, but in this short period in time, I’m not sure what it’s like to not have you anymore.
I’ve taken more than what I can afford.
My cry for help
I wrote down feelings
Convincing myself that
I am ok,
Truth is I’m not,
Too far from great
I wake up each day
In hopes of something more
They read and like but do they ever understand,
They relate to the idea of it
but can never comprehend,
Silent screams project throughout me
Onto the empty pages
Creating a cinematic story.
She gave me a sight of hope, she also put me through hell. Her imperfections brought a smile to my face, a connection I cannot explain. My days blossomed into a romance as the night took over. I’m beginning to think that no matter what my fate is to be with her, often i ran away to find a better life, but some how I was always lead back to her.
These streets took me in at a young age, and I still remain loyal to her,
my thoughts, my every breath,
my first love, my city..
El Paso, Texas.. You’ve reminded me many times why I love what I do and to always love myself. Tonight you shine brighter than always because I realized how blessed I am to be taken under your wing.
She dances on the pole, showing her artistic expression..out of control she breaks hearts not caring; she’s cold.. Eyes were enamored to the stage as she progresses. Infatuated by the fame status, giving herself to the music, Fervid attention from crazed fans. As she twirls around unraveling her top. Her hands traveling throughout her body. Nothing else matters in the world but just her and that money. Her hair falls perfectly onto her beautiful face, her legs, her ass oh my throwing me into a haze. Expectations can kill a simple man. She moves the pole in a motion I can’t comprehend. Stroking her hair back as she bends down, ass touching the ground. She puts that pussy in control, catching feelings but looks the other way. A love that will never grow, she belongs to the world. The songs almost over and I’m ready to let her teach me how to feel, how to love. Burlesque queen, mine for the night. Lost in Lust.
I know you’re out there somewhere in the depths of the ocean, and I also know that in this lifetime I will run into you again.
I’m not sure how long It will be until I’m welcomed by your smile, but this scenery that reminds me of you makes it worth my while.
I wish you were able to enjoy this, the unruffled waters beneath the sinking sun. Your troubled mind can use the tranquility, I know how peevish I can be, all in your mind but away from your heart.
The lonesome walk
By: Jeff Rodriguez (@SmileSick)
Now that I’ve walked away, I know that missing me is just something of the past. I’ve freed you from the demons that held you back from living, I set you free, giving up my freedom of ever loving you again. This lonesome walk has set my mind straight and thoughts of us are now a blur.
A distant memory of yesterday’s golden age, we are no longer exclusive to each other but publicly open to the world to do as it pleases. My state of mind of regrets taunts the best of me, this lonesome walk has me abandoned into shameless acts of self destructs.
The evening walks seem better than the earlier ones because they bring me closer to the edge of reality, of pain, an abolishment of whatever situation we had involved with each other.
A better place resides else where, only nights away but I still have to walk through the day before I run through better days. This lonesome walk started out as a last resort of having no where to go, but that’s just it, no where is where I’ll find my true place.